Do
you believe there is a soul mate out there for you?
Well, you're not alone. Studies from the University of Virginia have
shown that over 90% of young adults believe in the concept. And 88%
believe that destiny has determined that there is one and only one
person who is your soul mate.
The
concept of the soul mate is thousands of years old and probably was
originated by the Greek philosopher Plato. Plato described a soul mate
as the person's "other half" that has been split from him. The quest of
life is to find your missing half. That theme has been explored in
movies like "The Butcher's Wife," "The Time Traveler's Wife," and "City
of Angels." Other views of soul mates include reincarnation: our soul
mate is someone with whom we have shared other lives.
The
soul mate concept also carries with it the belief that a perfect person
exists for us, if only we could find him or her -- then love and life
would be easy. This belief has created a lot of trouble for people,
especially in the area of commitment. By insisting on finding a perfect
partner, many people have walked away from really great potential
partners. Why? Because something was missing. Maybe it was chemistry,
or that he/she didn't match their ideal of The One. So they've ended up
alone, still looking for that perfect soul mate. The renowned family
psychiatrist Frank Pittman once said, "Nothing has produced more
unhappiness than the concept of the soul mate."
Having
been a psychologist for more than 25 years, and married to one guy for
the same long stretch, I can tell you that there are no perfect
partners out there. Not me. Not my husband. Not any of my many clients,
friends, or family members. Lasting love is a hard-won battle of
personal discipline, compromise, dedication, and
commitment.
Scientists have found that
scent plays a role in physical attraction and desire. Other research
shows that those who are of similar educational levels are more
compatible. While I don't believe in The One perfect person idea, I do
believe that there are better matches for us. And if we are with one of
these people, we are more likely to have the experience of being with
the one who is a soul mate (which I have had personally and can tell
you, is a marvelous thing!).
So
chances are, there is more than one person out there who fits the bill
for you. All of them are less than perfect. But if there are no perfect
partners, how can you know whether to stay or go? Here are 10
relationship markers to help you know if he or she is The
One:
1. When you're together you feel like you've come home.
2. You feel like your partnership was meant to be, as if kissed by destiny.
3. In your communication with each other there is a rapid "knowing" of what each of you means.
4. You have a shared mission in life, perhaps a cause, a career, or the creation of a family life.
5. When you're together the world seems like a better place.
6.
Your mood is elevated when you're together. It's not necessarily
passion or excitement, although that's there too at times.
7.
When you look at him/her you see a part of yourself that's been
missing. Perhaps it's her assertiveness or his joy of adventure. But
it's something that when added to your life, makes you feel more
complete.
8. Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating.
9. You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner.
10.
Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits
and becoming more loving people.
Don't
worry if you don't feel all 10 of these things when you're with your
partner. That's where the imperfection comes in -- either in you or
your partner. If you are experiencing six or more of these markers,
chances are you are matched well. Over time you can work towards having
all of these qualities. Couples who have lasting love find that their
relationships get closer and better over time. And that process has
been my privilege and good fortune to experience personally -- after a
lot of hard work that continues to this day!
Bottom
line: your chances of finding The One are better than you think. So go
out there and start looking. Love almost always comes in a surprise
package that opens up in marvelous and magical ways.
